Laughter is a universal joy, and these twelve family-friendly jokes are perfect for sharing. They’re all about the funny side of life, pets, and those everyday moments we can all relate to. Enjoy these lighthearted tales.
One night, a burglar was creeping through a house when a voice said, “Jesus is watching you!” He was scared but kept going until he realized it was a parrot. “What’s your name?” the burglar asked. “Moses,” the parrot said. The burglar laughed, “Who names a parrot Moses?” The parrot answered, “The same person who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Two boys were sharing nuts by a cemetery, saying, “One for you, one for me.” Another boy heard them and thought it was something spooky, so he fetched an old man to listen. Right as they leaned in, the boys said, “Now let’s get the ones by the fence,” and the two listeners ran away scared. A man called his wife after she had twins and found out his brother Joe had named them. The girl was named Deniece, and the boy was named De-nephew.
A farmer told his lawyer he wanted a “day-vorce.” When asked the grounds, he said, “About 140 acres.” He also said he had a “grudge,” which was where he parked his tractor. His reason for the divorce was that he could never have a meaningful conversation with his wife. A frog called a psychic who told him he’d meet a beautiful woman who wanted to know all about him—in her biology class.
A man confessed to a priest that he charged a refugee rent during WWII. The priest said it wasn’t great, but at least he’d saved the man’s life. The man then asked if he had to tell him the war was over. Another man burned both his ears because he answered the iron instead of the phone—and then the person called back. An older couple shared one meal at a fast-food restaurant. When a kind stranger offered to buy the wife her own food, the husband said they shared everything. But the wife wasn’t eating because she was waiting for her dentures.
A bat came back to his cave covered in blood. When the others asked where he got it, he led them to a tree and said, “Do you see that tree? Well, I didn’t!” A new business owner got flowers with a card that said, “Deepest Sympathy.” The florist had mixed up the orders and sent the funeral home a card that said, “Congratulations on your new location.” A lawyer named Strange wanted a special epitaph. The stonecutter suggested, “Here lies an honest lawyer,” and said people would see it and say, “That’s Strange!”
A Texas farmer in hell didn’t mind the heat. No matter how hot it got, he said it felt like home. When the devil made it freezing cold, the farmer cheered, thinking his football team must have won the Super Bowl. These jokes are sure to bring a grin, so pass them along and spread a little happiness today.
