My family was buzzing with excitement over a huge trip to Hawaii to celebrate my aunt’s retirement. Everyone was included in the planning—everyone except me. They created Facebook groups, discussed flights, and made arrangements right in front of me, but no one thought to extend an invitation. I only found out about the vacation when I mentioned buying a gift for my aunt to my sister. She casually said, “We’ll give it to her on the cruise,” as if I already knew. When I asked why I wasn’t invited, the answer was shocking: they assumed I would stay behind to babysit all their young children.
I was hurt and angry. Not only had they excluded me from a major family event, but they had also assigned me a job without ever asking. When I expressed that I wanted to go too, my cousin informed me it was too late to join the official trip, though I was welcome to pay my own way. Instead of accepting my role as the unpaid nanny, I decided to make my own plans. My boyfriend, my adult son, and I booked our own vacation to a beautiful destination. On the day my family was set to leave, they arrived at my house expecting to drop off their kids, only to find I was already gone.
The fallout was intense. My phone blew up with angry messages accusing me of ruining their plans and wasting their money. They called me selfish, but I stood my ground. They never asked me to watch their children; they just assumed I would. To make sure they never made that assumption again, I did one final thing. When I returned, I sent each of them a postcard with the phone numbers of local babysitters written on the back. It was my way of saying I would no longer be their default childcare solution. Sometimes, you have to teach people how to treat you, even if they’re family.
